Blog :: Mary Cheyne | Professional Speaker & Coach

March 2012: Be Yourself

Wednesday, March 14th, 2012

“When you’re in the wrong relationship, it’s like you’re acting.”

~ Anna

A few years ago, I met a friend in acting class named Anna. Although young in age, 24, Anna was already very wise. She had broken up with her long-time boyfriend, and had recently met a new partner in her life.

When I asked how her new relationship was going, she said “Mary, it’s wonderful. I can be myself in this relationship.”

I asked her what she meant by that. She replied “Well Mary, I now realize that when you’re in the wrong relationship, it’s like you’re acting.”

That’s when it hit me like a ton of bricks. Wow, that’s so true!

And what has this got to do with public speaking & presentations? EVERYTHING!

Just as you want to be able to be completely yourself in your personal relationships, so too you want to completely be yourself when speaking in front of an audience.

When I first started public speaking many years ago, I thought I had to be “formal.” To me, this meant straight-faced, serious and absolutely no humor, because that would be “unprofessional.” Unfortunately for my audience, that also meant my presentations were stiff and boring!

Being your relaxed self, means lighten up! And be conversational!

Today, I can’t emphasize this point enough to my students and coaching clients.

For example, what are you like when you are talking to a few friends in your living room, or having lunch with a close co-worker? I’m willing to bet that you are probably relaxed, smiling and enjoying the conversation. This is what I mean by being your “relaxed” self.

It’s no different in front of an audience. They WANT to see the relaxed you. Not the formal, stiff you, like I was. When you are being yourself and conversational, you engage the audience much more effectively.

One way you can practice this is to experiment with a small section of your speech. Sit down with a friend as though you are just having a regular one-on-one conversation. If a friend is not available, you can also do this by video-taping yourself. The key here is to forget that it’s a speech or presentation and just have a personal conversation. If it doesn’t feel or sound natural, it’s probably because you are being your “presentation” self again. Repeat this again and again, varying the tone and emphasis, until it sounds natural and you are relaxed and your speech sounds conversational.

Authenticity is being your true self, not your “presentation” self. Whether you’re in a relationship, or in front of an audience.

The next time you speak on the platform, will you be ‘acting’? Or will you be your relaxed, conversational self?

Mary Cheyne, MBA
2009 World Champion of Public Speaking 1st Runner-Up
Keynote Speaker / Trainer / Coach
Magnetic Podium, LLC
617-858-1466
www.MagneticPodium.com

Categories : Articles

Tags : authenticity

January 2012: Connection IS the Key

By Mary Cheyne, MBA

Thursday, January 5th, 2012

“Be interested, not interesting.”

~ Blair Singer

Happy Holidays!

Not too long ago, I was one of several speakers at an event. Before the event, I got to meet and speak with my fellow presenters. I could see that some of them were pre-occupied with their upcoming presentations. How could I tell? Let me put it to you this way: Have you ever been talking to someone, where they are physically in front of you, maybe even looking at you, but you can tell they are somewhere else in their own thoughts?

In fact, most of the presenters that day were somewhat distracted, except one, Martin. Martin was very relaxed, at ease, and was having fun with the conversations. When I chatted with him one-on-one, he was completely present and in the moment. Even though the room was buzzing with voices in the background, his soft gaze stayed solidly fixed on me, as though I was the only person in the room. Even though I don’t remember what I said during that conversation, I do remember feeling as though I was heard. In those few moments, what I said mattered.

I was not at all surprised that during the actual presentations, Martin connected best with the audience.

What is the lesson here?

To connect well with an audience of many people, you must first be able to connect with them one-on-one. If you would indulge me to be direct as I reiterate this point: As a speaker, if we cannot connect well with someone one-on-one, what hope do we have of connecting with a group of people consisting of many individuals? The answer is ‘next to zero’.

Suggestion

As you gather with family and friends during this holiday season, take some time to practice connecting with them on an individual basis. As one of my mentors taught me: Be interested, not interesting. That means, resist any initial temptation to talk about yourself and ask them about themselves. The key is: Listen to what they have to say. Be present to them. Being interested is the doorway to connection.

So the next time you speak with someone, whether it’s one-on-one or a group, how well will you connect with them? Will you be interesting? Or interested?

Mary Cheyne, MBA
2009 World Champion of Public Speaking 1st Runner-Up
Keynote Speaker / Trainer / Coach
Magnetic Podium, LLC
617-858-1466
www.MagneticPodium.com

PS: I recently gave a public speaking workshop to a group of 300+ people in Hong Kong. Click to play a short video from the event where I talk about connecting with an audience.

Categories : Articles

Tags : connecting with the audience

Have a Point!

By MaryCheyne · Comments (0)

Tuesday, December 27th, 2011

This holiday weekend, I finally saw the very funny movie Planes, Trains & Automobiles. It’s a classic movie from 1987, but this was the first time I had seen it.

In this movie Neal Page (played by Steve Martin) finds himself getting stuck with an annoying travel companion, Del Griffith (played by John Candy).

Page (Martin) quickly becomes irritated with how much Griffith (Candy) talks and talks and talks. There is a scene in the movie when Page becomes so fed up that his temper explodes.

Even though this movie is clearly a comedy, and Page’s barrage of words in this scene is spoken in frustration towards Griffith, I think there is ‘wisdom’ that presenters and speakers can take away.

Many speakers fall into the trap that Page berates Griffith for. See for yourself.

Click here to see his 25-second tirade on telling stories.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jsnhpizu9oc

The moral here is:

When telling a story in your speeches or presentations, for the sake of your audience, PLEASE have a POINT. One that is related to your presentation!

Mary Cheyne
2009 World Championship of Public Speaking 1st Runner-up

Keynote Speaker/Trainer/Coach
Magnetic Podium, LLC
617-858-1466
mary@magneticpodium.com
www.magneticpodium.com

Comments (0)

Categories : Advice, Humor, Wisdom

Tags : connecting with the audience, preparation, stories

December 2011: Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish

By Mary Cheyne, MBA

Monday, December 5th, 2011

“Stay hungry. Stay foolish.”

~ Steve Jobs (quoting the Whole Earth Catalog)

I recently read the biography of Steve Jobs (by Walter Isaacson). It’s one of the most well-written, insightful and entertaining non-fiction books I’ve read in a long time.

The book reminds us of one of Jobs’ favorite quotes (from his famous Stanford University commencement address in 2005). The quote is, of course, “Stay hungry. Stay foolish.”

I love this quote because it is great advice that both speakers and presenters can use.

As speakers, we must resist the temptation to be complacent if we are to continue to grow. To do this, we must stay hungry!

I am a big fan of encouraging my public speaking students and coaching clients to stretch themselves. During your next speech or presentation, I challenge you to try something(s) you wouldn’t normally do. Only then can you experience your range.

As with everything I teach, I am compelled to walk my talk. For example, when I gave my keynote speech at a recent conference in Hong Kong, I tried something I had never done before.

At first, I asked my audience to write down their top 3 limiting self-beliefs on a piece of paper. I then instructed them to scrunch up that piece of paper and throw it across the room to symbolize discarding those beliefs that no longer served them.

Can you imagine what this must have been like? In my mind, this was a risky logistical challenge considering there were over 300 people in the audience. But because this would be the most tangible & memorable way I could think of for them to experience the point and because I was hungry to try something different, I went through with it.

I am pleased to say that the risk paid off. The audience took to it like ducks to water. Click here to see a live video of the exercise.

As a speaker, be hungry and step outside your box. There ARE no limitations, except for the ones in your own mind. Stay hungry to experience your range.

What about the second half of the quote, stay foolish?

Why would you want to be foolish in the first place anyway? Much less stay foolish? I’m glad you asked.

When you try something new, you may experience some awkwardness. I know I did when I enrolled in an Action Theatre class last year in an effort to expand myself. Action Theatre is a form of improv, and let me tell you, I definitely felt like a fool. Yet, I highly recommend it. But why would I recommend something that would make you feel like a fool? Because it will stretch you.

And now, because of Action Theatre (which I am still awkward at by the way), I’ve stretched my range, and I will forever be more fully self-expressed on the platform.

When was the last time you stepped outside your box?

As this new year, 2012, continues to roll in, let me ask you this: As a speaker, how hungry will you be to grow? And how foolish are you willing to feel to expand your range?

Remember, stay hungry. Stay foolish.

Mary Cheyne, MBA
2009 World Champion of Public Speaking 1st Runner-Up
Keynote Speaker / Trainer / Coach
Magnetic Podium, LLC
617-858-1466
www.MagneticPodium.com

Categories : Articles

Tags : professional speaking, Steve Jobs