Question ~
I have been a student of public speaking for a few years and still find myself reluctant to speak in front of a large group. People tell me that I seem confident, but I do not feel confident.
Mary’s Answer ~
You will take comfort in knowing that even the most experienced and riveting speakers ‘resist’ getting up to speak at times.
The way I see it, public speaking is like going to the gym to work out. You may be the fittest athlete, but there are going to be days when you just do NOT feel like going to the gym.
Having said that however, not being in the ‘mood’ to speak in front of a large group may or may not be the source of your reluctance.
Here are some tips that my help:
1. Find the Source of Your Reluctance.
Given that other people see you as confident, your reluctance may come from the way you see yourself as a speaker.
For example, some questions to ask yourself are:
a) What is my mind telling me while I am speaking in front of a large group?
b) What is it that is making me not feel confident?
Answering these questions will help you raise your awareness of where your reluctance and or lack of confidence comes from.
When one is presenting, there are two voices going on: the one that’s coming out of your mouth, and the one that’s in your head.
There seems to be a running commentary in our own minds that is critiquing everything we say.
This commentary, this “voice” is usually the source of our lack of confidence in our public speaking abilities, because the voice is usually saying something negative. And when we believe in that voice, the incentive to want to get up and speak disappears.
2. Repeated Practice.
Repeated practice builds a muscle for dealing with that negative “voice”. Each time that uncomfortable feeling comes up when we are about to speak, we need to push past that feeling, and make ourselves go up and speak again and again and again.
That uncomfortable feeling may or may not ever go away, but it certainly will diminish over time.
For example, think back to when you first began public speaking 3 years ago. Compare how you felt back then when you stood up to speak. I am quite certain that you are a lot more comfortable now relative to back then.
3. Put your focus on your Message, not Yourself.
Another recommendation is to shift the way you think about public speaking. My advice is to focus on your message, and believe in what you are telling the audience. When you are convinced that the audience NEEDS to hear your message, your focus will naturally shift away from you as a speaker and towards making sure your audience understands your message.
4. Be in the Moment.
Remind yourself to be in the ‘moment’ of the presentation, rather than in your head.
5. Embrace the Process.
Last but not least, I will tell you what one of my mentors once said to me “Getting comfortable in front of a group is a process, not a destination.” So be patient with yourself.
I hope this will serve as an incentive for you to continue speaking in front of groups. The audience needs to hear your message.
Mary Cheyne
2009 World Champion of Public Speaking 1st Runner Up
Keynote Speaker/Trainer/Coach
Magnetic Podium, LLC